If you missed My Younger Years, understand that I ended the story with my mother getting remarried when I was 11. I was completely fine with it but wasn’t aware until they got back from Hawaii. So…
Let me preface this by saying, that I absolutely loved my stepfather. He was a troubled soul and my mother was extremely preoccupied with saving him. Unfortunately, it was all I needed to get into trouble. Skipping school, hanging with the “bad kids” and sneaking out were easy to do when your mom wasn’t watching. Through it all, I still managed to skip a grade in school due to my grades (went from 7th to 9th) but that didn’t matter. The more I sought my mothers’ attention the worse trouble I was in.
Eventually, I ran away from home at 12 and never lived with mom and stepfather again. I became a ward of the state with a PINS petition (person in need of supervision) and lived in group home after group home until I was 16. Some of those experiences were awful and scary, others were good. I met some wonderful case workers, counselors and foster parents that really cared about kids. Mostly, in the scary situations I found a way out and ran away all over again. Each time we went back to court I begged to go home, and my mother would refuse. She was overloaded with her own problems and couldn’t handle another stressor in her life.
I wasn’t a bad kid, just an angry misunderstood adolescent. I wanted my mother’s attention and I got it the wrong way. As most children do. I had an attitude and disobeyed the rules, but I didn’t steal, do drugs or drink alcohol. Even though this stuff was available to me at all times in the homes I was living. Of course, I tried “stuff,” but it wasn’t my thing. Although, I did succumb to peer pressure at 12 and started smoking cigarettes (I stopped the day I found out I was pregnant with my first baby at 19). Getting back to my hometown was the most important goal each time I was “placed,” I just wanted to be on familiar ground and see my friends. I can’t even say for sure how I got back there half the time as I took busses and trains and they all required money. I did work part time a lot since I was 10 doing something, but the amount of traveling I did still wouldn’t have been enough.
Finally, after 3 years with various group homes and many court dates, NY State sent me to live in a home on Long Island. It was not easy to get around out there, without a car, so I stopped trying and embraced my new home, new school and new friends. I started working after school every day and saved money. I even found time to play basketball and softball too. My counselor helped me to become an emancipated minor at 16 because I was a model teen (comparative to what I was living with, I was a saint) with a 4.0 GPA. That meant that I was able to leave the system and seal my files, move out on my own and live my life unhinged.
It was a monumental time for me, and I excelled! Somehow, I managed to graduate high school with my new friends, on time and with a regent’s diploma plus pay all my bills. Thanks to my counselor Rich, who instilled in me the confidence I needed to believe in myself.
My mother did show up at my graduation, but I didn’t have much of a relationship with her through those years. I was a bitter teen who felt abandoned and wasn’t going to take a chance that she’d reject me again. It wasn’t until after having my first child, I truly saw my mother in a different perspective, but it still took many more years to repair our relationship and I’m happy to say we did.
TMI
I shared a lot (but not all) of my childhood to show how I got from there to here. My experiences could have sent me spiraling on a different path, but thankfully I didn’t allow it. Learning from my past and using it for good, molded who I am today. I don’t blame my mother or hold a grudge in any way. Everything happened for a reason and I’m ok to use the past to help others.
