It’s strange to hear the newborn period referenced as the “fourth trimester.” You’ve spent 10 (not 9) long months on a countdown through days, weeks, months and trimesters patiently waiting until the end of the third trimester for “this” to be over so you can meet your little one. Emotionally, those first three months postpartum are a time of transformation for you, your baby, and your partner. Learning how to be a family is taxing. Physically your body is adjusting to the new spaciousness, milking breasts, and the crazy hormone acclimation. Let’s not forget the exceptional changes a newborn phase through. The cerebellum alone triples in size during the first year. Those early experiences outside the womb are integral to optimize brain development. Newborns are born slightly immature at full term. The rest of their growth is done through human touch, hence the reason they need to be held like a marsupial. If only a pouch came with the baby to facilitate the “babywearing!”
Reality
Let’s face it; babies are a lot of work regardless of feeding preference. In the beginning, it is not unheard of to be holding them 20 hours per day or more. Breastfeeding alone can take a half-hour to an hour 8x per day minimum. Bottle feeding can take less time feeding, but more time cleaning, buying, preparing, and planning. The first week’s home, family, and friends can’t wait to help you with holding, changing diapers, bathing, feeding, etc. Even those that choose to bottle feed to share the feedings quickly learn that the novelty wears off, and everyone goes back to normal life. Therefore, you are the sole caregiver and need to do 95% of the feedings and caring. Mothering is the most selfless job but worth every minute!
Help
If this is your first experience with a newborn, enlist some help from a close friend or family member who you could learn from their experience. Even if it’s your tenth baby, get help during the fourth trimester! You will survive despite having their support, but it may make the learning curve shorter. Although, if you don’t have a good relationship with the family or friend willing to help, then scratch that idea and hire someone instead. Their expertise is priceless. Even if you have one close person to talk/text at all hours, you will feel better. Maybe you are a seasoned mom, but this baby is different from the other/s? Or perhaps you are learning how to divide your attention to each needy individual? Using your support network to give you a needed nap, shower, meal, or alone time with baby can be integral to making a smooth transition. Remember not to feel guilty for demanding this time; your physical and mental health is just as essential to be a mom. Besides, your other child/children had this passage with you, and it’s only fair you and baby have this bonding time too.
Needy
Understanding how the newborn is wired will make this transition easier. In short, babies are just trying to survive. Eating, pooping, sleeping, and crying is the job of a healthy newborn. If they are not doing this, then something may be wrong. Don’t take it personally when you have literally done everything to settle her, and she is still upset. Sometimes it’s a guessing game, and you lose. Eventually, she will fall asleep or calm down in your arms. If you feel like you are on the verge of falling apart, it’s ok to put her down in a safe place and walk away for a breather. Go outside or somewhere quieter to clear your head. Then return refreshed and capable of handling your crying baby. When she gives you that first meaningful smile, you won’t remember the new mom’s burnout. Promise!
Thankfully, the fourth trimester is a short time in the grand scheme of things. Yes, it is exhausting and feels like it will stay like this permanently, but it doesn’t. The human species would have ceased to exist a long time ago if there was no end in sight. Try to soak up this period as much as possible because before you know it, she will be going to kindergarten.
Happy Parenting!
